Showing posts with label student's life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label student's life. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 April 2016

Captured and Lost

Last two weeks , I lost all of my photos . All of them . And I'm not the kind who keep photos on Instagram or Facebook anymore. Yeah. Just sad.
And in our circle, I'm that one friend who keep ugly photos of everyone :'(

So I made a promise to myself to :

First , MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE UPLOADED TO ICLOUDS . This is just so sad. I remember syncing the photos in iCloud and still, they went missing after I signed in, leaving me with only slides from Keynotes. I was already sad that my videos from iMovies were gone. And to open Photos to find nothing... was a very heartbroken moment I wish not to mention here.

RECORD EVERY MOMENTS FROM NOW ON. This is very important. I may look like a person who hates walking down the memory lane. Well yeah, apparently, I am not. I just looove keeping memories and looking back at them remembering what actually happened on those days. With Nana's birthday coming really soon, I was thinking to make an album of us ,  but guess who just lost all of her photos ?

DON'T DELETE YOUR IG PHOTOS , Anis -_- . Sometimes , I like doing that for no reason (as if I'm not a weirdo enough) and yeah. The regrets keep on mounting by days. I just want my old photos badly. Too bad we didn't print them out. Who would have ever thought iCloud would betray and stab me like this ? *cries a bucket*

And, BLOG EVERY TIME POSSIBLE. The only good thing that comes from me blogging (though as rarely as it may be), is that I have some photos online. I turned a few posts into private for aurat reasons but hey , at least I can re-download them from here. Yayyy.

I'm sure I said a lot of things about trying to keep the memories in here. But I am sure, the next latest post you will ever be getting from me is when I am already home for semester break. Haha. I said this all the time but we ARE busy this semester. Hahaha.

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Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Railway Children's theatre

While I have to direct and act in our class drama, I was also assigned to act in our school play -_- as if everything is not tiring enough. 
This time, we have to work with the second year and third year to present the Form 3 novel, Railway Children. Meh the script and storyline is easy peasy, just our meetings for practice were quite complicated as all of us aren't from the same year. In the end, we had to practice till past midnight or weekends. And not to mention this semester I have 3 subjects with 100% coursework and all of them are begging for my attention :'( gelabah tits iolls

Last week, after a few times practicing, it finally came to an end as we had our photo-shoot for the poster , and bammmm d-day quickly followed three days after. 

Syamim semangat and so gigih being a mermaid

okay here's a decent one just in case you need one

Penat Syamim menonggeng sini sana, last2 pakai gambar skema ni hahahahhaha

It was a private occasion attended by a few menteri and principals from schools all over Malaysia. Thank God it ended already ! phew

However ,,,, 

I just received a bad news from Syud our director, that Dr Lin wants us to perform a drama again next semester -_- 
so technically we're still on the endless journey

luckily this team is filled with funny people

These past few days had been crazy I barely get enough sleep. Yesterday, I was sick and oh also today for the program(I forgot the name literature something2),  I had to recite poem with the opposite character of the drama character -_-. Macam orang gila rushing tukar baju and make up.

After the program ended, my babies quickly dragged me for a short 'calm-your-tits-woman' moment to sip a large cup of green tea. 

Highly recommended for those yang tengah stress haha. Instantly feel sleepy after a few sips.  

Bb busy dok ber photo-shoot

Kepenatan nak layan bb dahla sat lagi malam , esok malam , lusa malam nak kena stay up tak henti dah. Kesian haikal bb dok main sensorang haha. Sorryyyyyy


ok bye assalamulaikum
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Sunday, 17 May 2015

80s Drama Night 'Blast from The Past'

So our drama has officially ended last night !!!! Alhamdulillah for everything . 
Even though there're some glitches here and there, I'm just glad it finally ends. At last ! That's waaaay more precious then anything else. 
As soon as our team bowed on the stage, I felt like the whole burden were lifted away from my shoulders ; seriously never felt as free as that. Even jumped and ran here and there. 


Class with our dearest Dr. K posits nearly impossible goals to the extent of having to perform a musical drama ; because acting only is apparently not challenging enough. Though obvious when the oeuvre has finally completed, such demands had actually taught us needed antidote to the term of 'capable teacher' ,,, yet the journey was not one in which I would wish to go through again. Thanks but no thanks. Kissing my goodbye to PET102. 

It was tiring because of the workload behind the scene. People keep expecting this and that and they only know how to ask. By the end of the day, it is us yang dapat those penat. And, the penat , seriously not worth it T_T. I would be glad if it's worth trying but sadly it isn't. 
With little cooperation given by the administrations and some people in the office, we were like puppets; do as what they pointed us to. 
"Go here, ask for Mr. bla bla bla."
"No I'm not in charge. Try asking this bla bla bla office."
"Our department can't let you do this."

Yeah. I know it's not good for me to whine but we've been through this for 2 semesters. They are just repeating the same patterns. It is 'running here and there' all over again. But well, of course 1st semester is much worse for us, beginners. Thank God we started early.

As for my own little drama team, our group failed in the first practice, even personally was requested by Dr. Hardy to reconsider the play, 
not to mention we argued about the scripts and plots,
we also have problems with the music and dancing teams, 
our main actor was VERY degil (he insisted on going to hockey practice) that he injured himself the day before the performance (he blamed my mulut masin pffft and I blamed his thickheaded act).
and many more countless issues that we encountered as a team. 

Nevertheless, team is like family. We are still a unit despite of those quarrels. We compete together ; win or lose as a team and rise or fall, also as a team. Indeed, we argued a lot but it was because each of us wants Guns N' Roses  to be the best team, not because of abhorrence
and I am proud to say that 
all thanks the passion that has driven them to such a wonderful work. 

Guns N Roses :)

Well, our drama was about a boy who wanna avenge his father's death. He planned it by inviting his rivals to an isolated island through a mysterious phone call. They ended being stuck in the island with no boats and landlines until the next few days , and had to face one after another murder. No one is to be trusted any longer. They started to suspect each other. When there's only a few of them left on the island, the crime is finally revealed. And, the last person anyone would have guessed, is the master mind. 
First scene; flashback to 15 years ago.

Rehearsal was waay better, I would say. Still, it was an enjoyable experience working with these people :) And, we all had fun , didn't we :) :) :)

Miki and Iskandar was too excited, they accidentally let their little secret out of the bag. Ooppss. Okay . Jk jk . haha

p/s :  After having dinner, I went back to the room, plonked on my bed and was unconscious till this afternoon. Haha. Didn't even wipe the make up off.

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Thursday, 14 May 2015

The Poem Recitation

As you may or may not know, our lecturer for listening and speaking is very strict. We were warned about him since the very first semester by the seniors. 

Okay now forget about the boring mundane first sem. Now we're in second sem and here we are , dancing , singing and monkeying around in front of Subaidah pave-walk for our Wednesday class.

Two weeks ago, we're given a title for a monologue and had to perform it on the spot. God. Dr.K really knows how to test his students' limits, doesn't he ? Urghhh 

Mine was, 
"You are stucked in an abandoned nuclear plant in Chernobyl." and after 5 seconds , "Action."
mega facepalm, right there in front of Dr. K. 
I swear even the performance art students won't be able to think of a scene or script within the time given. 

It was a total disaster. I prefer not to recall it.

And then last week, his task was, 
'Perform an original poem of yours within 90 seconds. No less, no more or I will straight away give a B' 
Always play his 'B card' , guys. All the time. And yes, it worked on us, somehow. Hahaha. 
Saje jeww nak buat kitorang gelabah tits. *pukul2 Dr dengan gedik macam dalam drama Melayu*

As usual, this pathetic student of him (me of course, we're not talking about any other human being) went back to Kelantan for her weekend and only prepared the poem the night before. Thank God the time was extraordinarily perfect although I didn't even memorize the whole thing. haha. Who cares.

Okay forget about it. 
The thing is, our class is like a BIIIIIG melting pot of drama and adventure, so a 'live' weekly drama is a must . 
The tinge of 'drama drama drama' for last week was, we had to redo the recitation. 
 Dr. K was very furious at us last week (said we didn't prepared much, take things lightly, not fitted to be English teachers and so on blablabla all those excuses) , 
and he just canceled the class. 
Pooffff. Begone.

So this week, here we are ... semangat as hell. haha
(this class has really burned my whole pocket, I tell you)
Not to mention it's only 5% . And, for a 90 seconds performance. 
Thank you for your concern.
*muka bulan, muka bulan, muka bulan*

Mayra is begging for more mark apparently haha and I'm just giving up on this class, nothing in particular. Thanks for asking.

Muka desperate markah  

nenek kebayan ?
another beggar haha

my personal favourite poem recitation !
sumpah best and creepy gila.
and i think dr liked it too. kudos syuhaida !

I am sooo done with this semester. Still, need to survive ! Lusa dah nak kena perform dramaaaaa

p/s : Thanks for singing me birthday song in front of the restaurant :') so sweet of you guys. Thanks

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Saturday, 18 January 2014

Bas "destini anak bangsa"

Assalamualaikum :)

Pagi tadi , lewat gi kelas. Macam biasa.
Rasanya minggu ni hari2 gi kelas naik teksi , sebab kena tinggal dengan bas. Haha. Dah bas gerak 7.30 , time tu la baru terkedek2 keluar toilet. Mana nak sempat.
Untung pak cik teksi dapat pelanggan tetap tiap2 pagi T_T

Kisahnya, hari ni Jumaat . Kelas pukul 10. Bas 9.30 . Dah bersiap awal dah hari ni , berazam tak nak naik teksi lah kononnya. Tapi sebab terlambat jugak (tunggu Rue) , terpaksa pergi lewat sikit. Takpalah. Dah dia pun selalu tunggu saya jugak kalau time saya lewat.

9.40 , baru keluar rumah . Tengah turun tangga , sekali dengar bas hon. Haha. Iolls lari laa uolls. Dengan berjubah , berkibar2 di pagi hari macam tengah rentas desa. Sekali bas dah nak keluar pagar dah  -_- , kejar lagi . Pak cik dah nampak kitorang. Yang bengangnya , dia gerak jugak sampai keluar pagar . Pastu baru dia nak stop and bukak pintu  T_T. Penat eden. Dah pagi2 nak kena lari macam kena kejar anjing.

Hemmmm..Macam nak marah jugak awal2 tu, tapi tak jadi sebab pak cik memang dok tengah tunggu kitorang dah sejak 9.30. Teehee.
*Sebab Jumaat 9.30 , bas tu memang untuk kelas kitorang je , so selagi tak cukup , dia tunggu. Hehe.

Maka habis kelas 12 tengahari.
Bas last 12 tengahari . Tapi ustaz terlajak. Ended up kena tinggal bas pulak. Next bus nak bawak boys pergi solat Jumaat , so nak tak nak , jalan kaki rentas bandar Kuantan nak balik ke campus kat Sekilau dari Padang Lalang. Haha. Sumpah tak kelakar. Nak call teksi , tapi ramai sangat. Dah all girls from my class, except for a few yang drive pergi kelas. Nak call van prebet Rani , dia pergi solat Jumaat T_T . memang terpaksa la terkedek2 tadi. Dah hujan pulak -_- , singgah masuk Megamall.

Pastu ada teksi kat situ . Pastu naik. Pastu balik rumah. Pastu makan. Pastu tidur. Pastu tamat.
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Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Discussing bout our English syllabus, here in Malaysia

Assalamualaikum :)

Was discussing bout our education system just now. Hmmm.  In the same boat as Najwa's opinions.

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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

MUET speaking guidelines and tips

Assalamualaikum :)

I know that many of you will need this. Especially candidates from universities; mainly due to the fact that the lecturers tend to forget to give us the guidelines and tips for speaking test. Some students dont even study MUET in class.
But still they have to take the test, same goes to me. Don't cry. I know how it feels.

So this is the guidelines.
Thanks to my Mom's friend for handing this to me. Credits : Teacher Aznita. (SMKSIS)

What happens during a MUET speaking test

  • Enter the exam hall. *For Muslims, recite some prayers :)
  • Check your IC with the examiner by presenting your IC and your examination slip
  • Sit down as instructed y the examiner. (Accordingly. Candidate A,B,C and D)
  • Read the question ONLY when you are allowed to do so. DO NOT write anything on the question paper.
  • You can ask the examiner if you do not understand your task, after the one minute reading time. PLEASE ASK, even you understand because you can get some tips and vocabulary to use for your presentation when the examiner trying to explain to you.
  • You are given 2 minutes to prepare for your individual presentation (Task A). DO NOT discuss with other candidates.
  • Individual presentation (Task A) starts (2 minutes each) with Cand A, folowed by Cand B, C then D.
  • After Cand D done, you are given 2 minutes to prepare for your group discussion (Task B). DO NOT discuss with other candidates.
  • Group discussion (Task B) starts. Anyone can start the discussion. You are given 10 minutes to discuss
  • Leave the examination room quietly. DO NOT take anything out of the room except your IC and examination slip.


1st minute - just read the question and make a mental note of the words you would like to ask. DO NOT SCRIBBLE ON THE QUESTION PAPER ! (you should ask even if you understand the terms to get the right pronunciation and borrow ideas from the examiners, most examiners are very helpful and will give you some ideas if you ask nicely) (Excuse me but what is the meaning of... DO NOT SAY: what means of...*which is a very horrendous grammar)

2nd minute - examiner ask all candidates one by one if they understand the question or not. (make sure you ask, okay)

2 minutes to write your note on the blank A4 paper given (tip : divide the paper into 4 sections. Label with A, B, C, D , then write only on your section.*If you are Cand A, write on A section. Think of three points and for every point, give reasons and examples, make sure it's in note form only to avoid reading)

2 minutes for each candidate to present Task A - MUST AGREE WITH POINT GIVEN. Make sure you speak for the full 2 minute, and it is ok to just elaborate 1 or 2 points well, instead of 3 points but not well explained)
Speak according to this format :

  1. Greetings (Good morning to the examinerS and fellow candidateS, etc.)
  2. Repeat situation (Today we are talking about..)
  3. Main point (The point I would like to discuss is...etc.)
  4. 1st point (Firstly, ...This is because... Moreover...For example...Therefore..)
  5. 2nd point (Secondly...This means taht...furthermore...for instance...Thus...)
  6. 3rd point (Finally...This is due to the fact that...,In addition, Take for example...Hence..)
  7. Conclusion (In a nut shell...)

2 minutes to prepare for Task B (now you can add or write notes for all candidates' points. have a ranking system 1,2,3 and 4. 1 is the best choice and 4 for the least favourite, this will help you with your discussion )

10 minutes to discuss. While in the quarantine room , before you enter the exam room, pre-decide who will do the introduction, and someone to do the conclusion (this person MUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE GIVEN TIME, do not conclude before the time or lets the discussion goes exceeded the time)


Well, for the useful language during speaking test, you can Google it. Don't be lazy people. Open a new tab and Google for it.

Here's an example for the answer

Situation : Your brother has been given the opportunity to study in England on a government scholarship. You and your family are very proud of him. Decide on a special gift for him to prepare for his trip abroad.
Cand A : Suggest that they give him cash. Say why.

Good morning to the examiner and my fellow candidates. I'm very happy that my brother has just received a scholarship to study in England. My relatives and I would like to give him a special gift. We all think that the best gift is money because it will be very useful for him.

     The first reason is with cash he can buy things that he needs when he gets there. There will be a lot of things that he will need like new books, stationary, clothes and food. He will also need to pay for transportation like taking the bus or train to go to the university campus. As we know, it is very expensive in England so any money we give him will be very useful.

      Secondly, my brother can use the money to buy a mobile phone when he gets to England. I think this is very important in case of emergencies so we can contact him easily. Furthermore, he can sms us and keep us updated with his progress in his studies there. Hence, if we really miss him, we can just give him a call.

      Last but not least, I think giving him money is the best choice because it is light and doesn't take up a lot of space. If we were to give him a computer, books or winter clothes it will be very heavy and bulky for him to bring to England. Therefore, I think that it is much easier to bring money and buy those things when he gets there.

     In conclusion, there are some of the reasons why I think giving him some cash is the best choice. To me, it is the most useful gift we can give him. Thank you.


Here's some videos of a MUET test. The whole session was then divided into 7 parts of videos.








Good luck guys :)

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Monday, 21 October 2013

Soalan MUET pagi tadi

Assalamualaikum :)

#Paramore : Still into you

Okay. Dah trauma nak speaking lepas speaking test MUET pagi tadi. Haha.

Awal2 start tu okay lagi. Kinda fluent. Tak sampai sepuluh saat, terpandang pulak muka examiner, dia angguk (agree with my point ke hapa entah) dan saya terus kehilangan kata-kata ! ataupun bak kata omputis, lost for words. Blank, stammer 3 saat, tibai je cakap lepas tu. Elok2 tak nervous terus jadi nervous. Grammar terabur entah ke mana. Points tak elaborate. Oh my. Menyesal pandang muka dia tadi.
Saya tak sepatutnya memakai kaca mata ketika menjawab soalan speaking saya tadi. Alangkah menyesalnya... tapi nasi sudah menjadi bubur, tiada guna diratapi atau diraungi sehingga terkeluar anak tekak pun. Sudah terlambat.

Sekarang dah rasa cuak nak speaking. Buahaha. *bajet hari2 speaking kat rumah -..-

Hmmm..setelah dibaca dan difikir balik, saya masih belum memberikan ekspelanasi (explanation) berkenaan tajuk di atas.

Soalan MUET pagi tadi was "A country's economic success depends on a few factors" lebih kurang macam tu and the factors are
a) Mann-power
b) Education 'something2' I'm afraid I had forgotten
c) Health care
d) Natural resources
*Tajuk di atas memang x sure tapi lebih kurang la bunyi dia macam tu

so yang manpower ni , budak tu explain pasal work force. Kena kerja leklok la untuk sumbang kat ekonomi negara. Kerja kena ada integriti semua. Apa entah lagi. Tak dengar sangat. Tengah bizi cari point untuk diri sendiri. Hanya mampu pura-pura fokus dan angguk2 macam paham.

Yang education ni adalah my topic. Haha. Topic sendiri pun dah lupa. Memang banyak kelentong tadi. Cakap kena start bagi kesedaran sejak zaman sekolah la pasal economic issues ni. Contoh yang tengah berlaku sekarang, the shut down of Pentagon. So kalau kanak-kanak ni sedar about what's going on around the world and that somehow our country is at stake jugak, they will start taking action since they were little. Belajar pandai-pandai dan bagi sumbanagn ekonomi untuk negara. Then saya mengarut lagi. Okay. Dah lupa points sendiri yang lain lagi -..- .

Third candidate. Health care. Kalau care pasal health, ramai sihat & cergas. Boleh kerja. Boleh fikir. Senang nak communicate dengan negara luar. Okay. Bunyi macam point yang saya tulis ni biasa je tapi best la jugak dia explain tadi.

Last, natural resources. Dia tak elaborate sangat. Just cakap yang kita pakai natural resources dalam daily life. And explain point tu je. So masa group discussion, I said that kita boleh export natural resources ni kat negara lain. For example, Japan, they have limited mineral resources, so as a country that have plenty of resources like ... bla bla bla, we should take advantage by exporting our resources. They get what they dont have and we get money. And bla-bla-bla.

Okay. Dah malas cakap pasal MUET ni. Nak muntah.

Yang saya tau, saya rasa macam nak oppose dengan tajuk sendiri, yang pasal education sysytem tu. I mean , kalau since daripada budak2 ni sekolah rendah, kita dah tanam dengan mentaliti 'kapitalis' dalam otak mereka, susah Malaysia nanti. Haish. Susah nak explain.

We should not agitate the innocence of children towards the importance of materialistic world. Of course, we can say that money is the most important commodity in order to drive the nation towards a modern civilization but we tend to forget to imply the importance of humanitarian acts in the children's brains. They are supposed to learn about moral values at school and not about the doctrine of materialistic harsh world. It is this kind of mentality that would ruin their mindsets and thus segregating personal importance of material world with humanitarian effort to save the world. They should be taught that we first need stabilization in social then economy. "Long have we taught our children to be rich but we are not well aware of the side effects of this capitalist mentality."

*If only I can oppose my own opinion about 'children should be exposed towards the importance of their country's economy since diorang masih kecil.' Haish. Why like this. Masa tengah tulis idea tadi, hanya boleh fikir tentang 'the contrast of my own idea' ! I was like,,, please...I'm not that rebellious.
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Saturday, 19 October 2013


Assalamualaikum :] *nervous grin

Reading-  0% nervous
Listening- 0% nervous
Writing-   0% nervous
Speaking- 100% nervous !
*ceh. yang lain 0%, bajet boleh jawablah kononnya -..- tak nervous lagi

So I have this MUET thing this Monday (!) and God knows how nervous am I. God. I'm not good in giving opinions or elaborating ideas. Why this speaking is...haish. It's killing me, seriously. And to watch a band 6 videos from you tube does not make me feel any better. I mean , this people, how come they have such great ideas and their elaborations are just..umph ! They're so fluent. And I'm so jealous.

I'm not a debater nor an orator. All those speaking-at-the-front or speaking-on-the-stage is not my kinda thing. I will easily get nervous, super nervous that I can nearly faint and only a kiss from a prince will cure my nervousness. Of course there will be no prince this Monday so I cannot fall on my feet. Kecewa.

"Oh..I feel like there are butterflies in my stomach. Ouch. Damn you nervous." 
Nope. Not me. In fact, in my case, there are actually bats swooping back and forth in my stomach, biting and chewing each of my blood capillaries, gliding from fallopian tube to the top of the lungs and hmmm... well anything that will cause me nausea will do.

Me worried too much. Like an old lady. Haish. I should stop worrying about these things. But what if I cannot come out with brilliant ideas and start stammering and only manage to blink my beautiful lashes at the examiners ? oh my. I should wink at the examiners ! Who knows I'll get extra marks.

Mengarut, my forte. But brainy speech, not my specialty.

People, what do you eat that make you speak so fluent and have those amazing ideas? Can I have some?

Allahumma yassir walaa tu'assir. Lancarkanlah tutur bicaraku nanti, ya Allah.

#Pray for me guys. XOXO :p haha

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Friday, 30 August 2013

my regular Friday

Assalamualaikum :)

Semalam tengok The Great Gatsby selepas siapkan journal yang perlu dihantar hari ni . Waktu tido semalam adalah teramat awal , tak seperti selalu .
Namun demikian , masih terasa malas bangun pagi .

Seperti biasa. Bas ke kelas pukul 7.30 dan pada 7.10 , masih enak bergolek-golek dengan malasnya di atas tilam.
Walaubagaimanapun , sempat mandi . Dan bersabun .

And ,
I just realized ._. saya taip post ini dengan skemanya . Oh tidaaak . Adakah kerana Merdeka ???

Okay. Sambung cerita.

Kemudian , naik bas. Tepat-tepat 7.30 .
Berlari-lari anak seperti biasa , sebelum pak cik driver sempat menutup pintu bas.
Ke kelas.
Mengantuk dalam bas. Roh dah hilang entah ke mana.

Azilah mesej , " Abanggg mengapa pergi kelas begitu awal ?"
Reply , " Kerajinan melanda."
Azilah , " Tergamak dirimu. Baiklah."
*Dia naik bas 7.45 -_-

Kelas mula macam biasa . Mengantuk macam biasa . Tahan mengantuk macam biasa. Well , conclusionnya , hari ni tiada yang luar biasa .
Malaysian Study di pagi jumaat . Sangat indah ._.

15 minit lepas lecturer bukak buku , semua roh dah terbang. Bertukar ! Zombieeee.... Power !

Otak saya tiba2 teringat kat ex-boyfriend . Ingat muka , tapi lupa nama .

"Azilah , kau ingat tak...."
"Aku pun lupa laa nama dia . Bar.. Jap. Google."
Google : Abang Bareng.
No result found .

Otak terus berfikir . Kelas dilupakan seketika. Fokus tertumpu kepada si kekasih yang namanya kian luput.

"How many of you had been to the National Service Programme ?" lecturer tiba-tiba tanya .

Semua pandang saya. Saya yang tengah lost. Dengan kening masih berkerut. Masih memikirkan nama ex-boyfriend.

Azillah , "Weh , angkat tangan."
Tiba-tiba saya angkat tangan .

"How was it?"

"Hmmm.. kinda fun ." Redah je jawab . Ta tau pun sebenarnya lecturer tanya apa .

5 saat lepas tu .

"Temenggung Jugah anak Barieng !"
finally , ingat jugak nama ex-boyfriend

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Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Rejuvenate & Rejoice

Rewrite this essay for writing class :) and edited the ending . Kinda like the new ending . Hope you guys like it too !!!

The wind.
It came like spears, prickling her soul. The blanket was being too thin, it might be. As the maid saw her Madame twitching in shiver, she darted towards the other chamber to take another thick woollen blanket.

Lauren tried to inhale a great sum of air;- hoping the pain in her chest could be eased. Ah  She knew, her maid's endeavour would end in vain . Though she had added two ... no ... no ... three ... no ... it would just have been insufficient. Lauren sighed and coughed again. She could feel a sharp pain in her chest ; like being submerged in water , deprived of oxygen. Her head was heavy and so was her eyes but she could not close them. Not yet.

Lauren rubbed the empty space beside her and it felt cold, like the room temperature, indicating her daughter was not there before. Curiosity began to subjugate her brain. Where was her daughter?

"Mummy. Dinner is ready."

She sighed as she realized there was a tiny hand pulling her left hand. What should she answer? She had no energy to eat and consume the food. All she could do was lying carelessly on the mattress, accompanied by a surfeit of queasy sensation patrolling by her uvular. But ... of course.

"You have last staged cancer."

The doctor's voice was still reverberated in her eardrums. She suffered bone cancer but she refused to be warded. Lauren knew that she would have to go sooner or later. She did not have much time left for her daughter , Aya .

Aya ...
Six years old Aya knew nothing . She was still young and gullible . Two weeks after she was born, her father died in a tragic car crash. Thinking about Aya's future, without no one to look after her , Lauren could not stop the tears from streaming down her cold and pallid cheek. Loving Aya was the greatest feeling she had ever had. However, she had to leave her daughter soon.

"Mummy . The dinner is ready." Her brain snapped into focus as Aya kept on repeating the statement for a few times while clasping her mother's wiry arm.

Lauren tried to curl her lips upward in a semblance of a smile , coughing really hard and only managed to nod consecutively. Aya looked satisfied by the nods and she replied with an angelic smile.
Kissing her mother's forehead , Aya's twinkling eyes then nailed to Lauren's mien before she dashed towards the door.
Lauren exhaled a long-deep heavy sigh.

The unforgiving winds wailed proudly as they struck despair down to her very core. Her time has came. She could not bear the pain any longer. Another gentle breeze caressed her skin and ruffled her messy hair. Her dull weak hand reached for her chest , trying to sooth the pain . The agony was killing her ;- as if the bones were slowly shattered into pieces.

"I have been waiting for you and you are still sleeping?" Her ears caught Aya's voice, startling her.

Lauren could detect that Aya was approaching her and climbed onto the bed as the bed made a squeaky sound. Aya crawled towards her mother, sat huddled and stroked Lauren's hair gently . Lauren's hair used to be in brunette and all shiny but it was quite dull lately. Curling up small beside Lauren, Aya rested her head against her mother while kissing Lauren's shoulder repeatedly. Maybe Mummy was tired. Very tired.

"Darling." Lauren called her daughter hoarsely.
"I will be sleeping for another thousand years." She uttered with an abated breathe. " yourself."

Aya twitched her eyebrow in bewilderment.

Suddenly , her already wide eyes flipped open broadly and the small mouth asked in wonder , "But it was a long time , Mummy. What should I do to wake you up ?" Lauren rendered speechless upon hearing the unanswered question.

Aya wrapped her hands around Lauren's arm tightly while her eyes were still transfixed to her mother. She did not care. She would still wait until another thousand years as long as they would eventually have dinner together. They would have their pasta and laughed again . Like before.

"I love you .You love me 
We're a happy family 
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. 
Won't you say you love me too"

Tears swam in Lauren's eyes as Aya sang her favourite rhymes. Aya caressed her mother's wrinkled eyes before kissing them. She yawned and she could feel her eyelids were heavy. She would love to sleep but she was afraid . What if Mummy wake up and need her help ? She yawned once again and finally closed her eyes while tightened her hug.

Lauren gasped as another sharp pain hit her , the pain of her soul being taken. But no tears were coming out. Yes . She was ready to leave Aya.  Lauren inhaled the air , inhaled the smell of Aya's hair , and managed a smile .

Two hours later ...

"Mummy , wake up. Why are you so cold ?" Shaking her mother's arm for a few times, Aya uttered the question in panic. There was no reply however.

Her mother was lying breathlessly on the bed, not moving or even coughing . What had happened ?!

Aya jumped out of the bed and ran towards the maid's room. Pulling the maid's hand , she murmured , nearly cried ,"Mummy is cold. Put more blanket on her. Quick! "

The maid approached her Madame and leaned forward to check the pulse.

"Mummy is not cold , sweetie . She's only tired and need some sleep. " Aya winced and exclaimed that her mother have to wake up no matter what. Lauren hadn't had her dinner yet . She would starve.
Nevertheless, the maid would only shook her head while trying to plaster a smile . She tried not to cry in front of Aya but it was really hard .

All of sudden , Aya sprinted towards the table beside her mother's bed and grabbed her mother's purse  and the car key. She immediately handed it to the maid.

"Quick . We must find a really BIIIIG alarm clock to wake Mummy up."

Tears were eventually coming out from the maid's eyes and she sobbed real hard, trying to stop them . Seeing Aya's big twinkling aqua eyes pleading to her , made her to torn between telling the truth and making wild flying lies. She held the innocent little child in her arms and muttered weakly under her breathe ,

"Mummy will wake up, dear. I promise you.”

Aya nailed her eyes onto her maid’s face, eyebrows twitched and mouth pouted , disappointed by the answer :- it was not what she expected. She needed the clock! Not a promise. Mummy must be very hungry. 
Her insisting gaze sent shivers of guilty into the maid’s spine.

Can we buy the alarm clock tomorrow? The shopkeepers out there must be very sleepy. It’s already midnight, darling.” And she eventually nodded in frustration.

Aya could not sleep in peace, of course – thinking about Mummy would turn the night into a very long night.
She finally fell asleep while hoping that tomorrow would bring her good news.

She tried to open her eyes. But the unrelenting light was unbearable. Aya forced her eyes open though she felt like there were heavy stones on her eyelids. The rocking motion that carried her made her eyes immediately flipped open in curiosity. Where was she ?

Aya blinked her eyes for a few times, trying to comprehend the situation around her. Cold sprouted her body and her teeth gritted as she heard the ‘swoosh and swish’ of the rain. 
The maid was embracing her yet the warm gesture could not ease her worry. She ran her eyes around her only to see men and women in black, carrying umbrella in their hands. They looked sad. Some were even sobbing and Aya was pretty sure she saw a familiar old lady in a black cape was wailing real hard.

“Where are we?” the question was finally laboured from her mouth.

“At the cemetery.” Her maid replied in a forced gusto.

What is cemetery ? Curiosity bubbled inside her, she asked another question. "Why we're here?"

Mummy was going to somewhere really far. A better place: - she could watch Aya better from there. She could smile and laugh again if she goes there. “That is why we are here ; to send her.” The maid had told her and she explained more, “So you cannot cry or Mummy will not be happy again.”

Aya nodded repeatedly. Her mind considered the request. Crying was the only solution she could think of but in the meantime, she wanted Mummy to be happy again. It was okay not to cry. She knew she could do it.

With lump in her throat, Aya caressed her cold nose bridge, trying to stop the tears from coming out.
‘Please tears. For once. Please do not come out. Mummy has to be happy. She's sad enough lately.’ She whispered slowly, encouraging herself.

For the first time , Aya did not cry watching her Mummy going; unlike before when her Mummy left for outstation. 
In fact, she smiled. “Mummy, I hope you will be happy.”

But it was 12 years ago . . . When she knew nothing about death. Now she is mature enough to understand the life. 
Sometimes, she would wonder, why her Mummy had to go so early but then, a letter from Mummy for her 18th birthday explained everything. She did not need another answer.

“The dying should be rejuvenated
and the living should be rejoiced
and continue the life
as He had planned everything.”

True. He had planned everything.
post signature

Sunday, 7 July 2013

My dad is my hero

Still learning . Made this out of sudden :) . If there is any grammatical error , u can always correct me.

‘My Dad is my hero.’

The phrase constantly ran back and forth in my mind like scurry ants. 
Can my Dad still be a hero? 

I ran my eyes around the class only to see the other classmates were beaming with joy, smiles plastering their faces and cheerfully answering the question. Answers went around the class; but still I could not figure out mine.

“My Dad bought me an iPhone last week. I really love him … “

“…he always takes our family to overseas…”

“…my dad is an important person in…”

A ‘pang’ of frustration hit me. Having all of those luxuries would be impossible for me. 
Huh … A deep heavy sigh unwillingly escaped from my long-held breath.

 But my Dad is not my hero anymore! I yelled in my heart , frustrated.

“Ruth? How about you ?” 

The image of my father vanished from my head and my mind snapped into focus. Mrs. Larrington’s smile could not ease my uneasiness however; - I could feel a few drops of sweats were trickling down my back. She was heading towards my seat and the sounds of ‘click clack’ of her red heels caught the other students’ attention.

“Uh … uh … He is my . . . hero,” I gulped , pausing for what seemed like ages , hesitated ;-torn between telling the truth and making wild flying lies, when the bell filled the air with the sound of freedom. I inhaled a deep, relieve breath as Mrs. Larrington eventually ended the class.

Dragging my feet home, my mind was still busy recollecting the memory of us ;- dad and me. I tried to think about something else yet my brain did not seem to agree with my desperate desire, the question was still attached to my brain like a plaque. 

As I was about to cross the main road, a sight of a little girl climbing his father’s back caught my attention. Then, she planted a kiss on his cheek and chuckled melodiously as she lied on her father’s back like it was the most comfortable place in this world. Her joie de vivre made my heart to grow with envy. A smirk was etched to my lips unexpectedly.

But … there was something familiar about the scene that caused prickles of recognition down my spine. All of sudden, a déjà vu hit me. I bit my lower lips remembering the facts that Dad used to carry me on his back too. The memory was still crystal clear though I was seven at that time.

It was nearly Christmas and I was snuggling in the thick woollen blanket with Dad. We were very happy as our tête-à-tête was filled with jokes and laughter that it was je ne sais quoi. Then the snows started to fall onto the earth and the pavements were covered with the white sparkles in less than five minutes.  “Dad , look at that.” The small finger of mine pointed at the road as we were watching the snow through our window. It was a perfect night;- I was momentarily paralysed by the stunning vista.

“Can I eat the snow, Dad ?” He smiled and shook his head slowly.

“So , I will get a baaaaaad stomach-ache if I eat the snow?” 

Dad only nodded, smile was still plastering his face. Out of the blue, he wrapped me with the thick blanket and carried me on his piggyback. I let out a loud shrieking scream, shocked by his quick action.

He took me out of the house, carrying me on his piggyback as if I was his most valuable treasure. I twitched in shiver as the cold sprouted my body yet my left hand reached for Dad’s cheek and caressed it gently, trying to transfer the warmth. He held me closer and I wrapped my hands tighter around his neck.

We danced and laughed in the snow; despite of the goose bumps. It was blissful.

However, it was 4 years ago. When Dad was still there to carry me on his back and laugh with me. I tried to curl my lips upward in a resemblance of smile as my heart cried; reminiscing back our memories together. 

Tears started to run down my pallid cheek but I forced myself to smile, half hoping if I wish hard enough, the lump in my throat could be eased.

“Dad. You are still my hero though you are not here in this world anymore.” I muttered under my breath slowly before the sobs grew harder and tears streamed down, ready to drench my collar.

Yes. My Dad is still my hero. He watched me from up there. From the blue skies.